Bad Jokes thread - Page 4 - Talksox

VandaleIndustries · 03-14-2008, 11:38 PM

Couple bar jokes:

A string walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry we don't serve strings here."

He comes back the next day, and the bartender kicks him right back out. This angers the string and he goes outside and works himself into a frenzy. He returns all twisted, with his hair all over the place.

The bartender asks, "Hey aren't you that same string I just threw outta here?"

"No," replied the string, "I'm a frayed knot!"

A duck walks into a bar, "Hey, you got any nuts." The bartender replied NO, and we don't serve ducks in here, get out!

The duck comes right back, "Got any nuts," Bartender says, "NO and we don't serve ducks here, get the hell outta here!"

The duck comes RIGHT back and says, "Hey, got any nuts?" The bartender is really pissed off by then and replies, "NO for the last time, if you come back I'm going to nail your fucking bill to the damned bar, now get outta here!"

The duck returns yet again, "Hey, you got any nails?" The bartender looks confused, but replies, "No...."

"GOOD," replied the duck, "then do you have any nuts?"

VandaleIndustries · 03-14-2008, 11:41 PM

Some other bad ones:

How do crazy people get through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.

A chess convention was staying at a high class hotel. One night a bunch of the participants were in the hotel lobby talking about their greatest conquests and chess victories.

The hotel manager told them this must cease immediately. Turns out, he didn't want chess nuts boasting by an open foyer.

VandaleIndustries · 03-14-2008, 11:42 PM

And this isn't really a joke, but it's perhaps the best horse name EVER:

Best horse name ever!

That's it guys! I've used up all the material I have in 3 posts (not really, but I'm done!!!)

Coco's Disciples · 03-14-2008, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandaleIndustries

A chess convention was staying at a high class hotel. One night a bunch of the participants were in the hotel lobby talking about their greatest conquests and chess victories.

The hotel manager told them this must cease immediately. Turns out, he didn't want chess nuts boasting by an open foyer.

VandaleIndustries · 03-15-2008, 02:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coco's Disciples

what? Is this not the "bad jokes" thread? hahahaha.

Coco's Disciples · 03-15-2008, 10:09 AM

That joke was pulsing through my mind all night...it was awful. Props.

ManRam24 · 03-15-2008, 02:03 PM

a grasshopper walks into a bar, the bartender say "you know we have a drink named after you?" And the grasshopper replies "You have a drink named Steve?"

redsoxrules · 04-03-2008, 02:07 PM

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.

VandaleIndustries · 04-03-2008, 05:20 PM

Soxrules, problems with the ladies? hahahahaha. Better hope too many women don't get ahold of that beaut of a post.... hahaha.

redsoxrules · 04-03-2008, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandaleIndustries

Soxrules, problems with the ladies? hahahahaha. Better hope too many women don't get ahold of that beaut of a post.... hahaha.

I sent it to my wife ..LOL

redsoxrules · 04-03-2008, 06:13 PM

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.

The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?

The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7.

Why? Do you think they look alike?"

"No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice"

VandaleIndustries · 04-05-2008, 06:15 PM

Why are women getting their belly buttons pierced?
So they have somewhere to hang the air freshener.

And here's a white trash red-neck one:
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You've already told her twice!

I might be going to hell for that one.....

Thumper · 04-05-2008, 06:21 PM

Two blondes walk into a bar.

The first one instantly falls unconcious and the second one doesn't even notice it.

**Youk Of The Nation** · 04-06-2008, 12:51 PM

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "what is this, some kinda joke?"

There's a bar way in the backwoods of Texas that claims to have the worlds' strongest man. Theres' a jar of money on the bar, and if anyone can squeeze another drop out of a lemon after the strongman does, the money is theirs. Everyone has tried it, and no one yet has been able to defeat him. One day, a small, skinny, bespectacled man with a wheezy voice and a rumpled suit comes in, sits at the bar and says, 'Id like to try'. The strongman laughs and agrees. So he pulls out a lemon, squeezes the hell out of it, and places it on the bar, dried and shrivled. The small man picks up the lemon and squeezes it, and to everyone's amazement, six drops of lemon juice drip out of it. The bartender asks in amazement, "how did you do that, mister?"

The little man's reply: "I work for the IRS"

VandaleIndustries · 04-10-2008, 09:14 PM

Ok.... We're taking the bad joke thread up a notch with one that will certainly land me a seat next to Satan for the rest of eternity:

A man and a girl were really hitting it off. The man made it to first (gotta have a baseball reference) and things were going to well he thought, "what the hell, let's skip 2nd and go straight for 3rd."

The girl immediately picked up on his advances and backed off, "My, aren't WE getting a little presumptuous....?"

"Presumptuous?" the man replied, "That's a mighty big word for an 8 year old!"

And now, we dance!!!