Bad Jokes thread

[TheKilo]

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. They have a seat and share a few drinks. A few hours later, they walk out with a better understanding and appreciation for each others' faith.


A man comes home to find his wife in bed with another man. He kills them both in a fit of rage and after contemplating his life, blows his brains out.


A man goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, it hurts when I go like this."
The doctor says, "Yes, it's very serious and I'm afraid you have a matter of months left. I hope your affairs are in order."


A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies that his facial structure is the result of eons of evolution and he's not quite sure as to its purpose.


A man walks into a bar and notices a large jar full of money on the counter. Upon asking as to the jar's purpose, he is informed by the bartender that anyone who chugs a bottle of tequila, removes a vicious dog's rotten tooth, and successfully beds the most discriminating woman in the bar is entitled to the jar's contents. The man completes each task with aplomb and takes his winnings home. Still inebriated from the tequila, he perishes in an automobile accident on the way back to his house.

[schillingouttheks]

A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch!"

[See Red]

I got a joke...

Woman's rights.

Nah, just playin.

Two peanuts walk into a bar... one was assaulted.

A baby seal walks into a club.

[jacksonianmarch]

I just spit out my drink. Good one.

[yeszir]

I laughed at the drunk driving one.


Two atoms are walking down the street. One turns to the other and says "Holy shit! I think I just lost an electron!" The other one asks him "Are you sure?" The first one replies "I'm positive!"

[jacksonianmarch]

now that was real bad.

[god is a redsox FAN!]

haha, a science joke.... i laughed just because it's one of those type of jokes

[Thumper]

A Jew walks into a bar and buys the place.

[schillingouttheks]

I'm bored...so here goes (this is kind of long):

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are all on an African safari when they get ambushed and captured by an African tribe. The Chief tells them that there's good news and some bad news. Naturally, the 3 men choose the bad news first.

"Well, the bad news is that you're going to die," says the Chief. "The good news is that you get to choose how you wish to die."

"Why do we have to die? What are you going to do with our bodies?" one of the men asks.

"We need material to make canoes. Your bodies will serve this purpose quite well."

Staying true to his promise, the Chief asks the Frenchman how he would like to die. He takes a pistol, says "Vive la France!" and shoots himself in the head. The Englishmen, thinking of the least painful way to die, takes the pistol that the Frenchman used, says "Long live the Queen!" and shoots himself in the head as well. Now that it's his turn, the American asks the Chief if he has any forks.

"Why do you want a fork?" the Chief asks.

"You'll see," says the American.

He takes the fork and starts stabbing himself over and over, and begins to bleed to death out of all sorts of holes in his body.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, why are you choosing to kill yourself like this?" the Chief asks.

"SO MUCH FOR YOUR FUCKING CANOE!" the American replies.

[redsoxrules]

Turner Brown

so a man in a elevator looks at the guy next to him with a weird look , the guy says Turner Brown 6 foot 10 ,14 inche private, 3 pound bag to the left 3 pound bag to the right . So the guy faints .... finnaly gets back up and the other guy says whats wrong all I said was Turner Brown , 6 foot 10 , 14 inche private, 3 pound bag to the left 3 pound bag to the right . So the other guy is like oh i tought you said turn around

[yeszir]

What's the hardest part about roller blading?

-Telling your dad you're gay.

Not even stupid, just pretty funny in my opinion.

[yeszir]

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says "you man the guns, I'll drive"

[ARod2212]

Two muffins are in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Man, is it hot in here or what?" The second muffin replies, "WHAT THE FUCK A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Sandwich walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food in here." The sandwich says, "that's ok, I'll have a beer."

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey buddy, we don't want your kind in here." The mushrooms pleads, "Aww, come on, I'm a fungi!"

[See Red]

Two men walk into a bar. You think the second one would've ducked.

[Soxfan#1]

Man1- Did you know diarhea is heriditary?
Man2- Really?
Man1- Yeah it runs in your genes.