WTF IS WRONG WITH WOMEN.

[Emmz]

When I was a younger man, I would have had the same reaction. I would have viewed it as the ultimate act of betrayal and I would have ended the relationship. I have a different perspective with age. Sex is sex. It really has nothing to do with love. Sure its nice to have sex with someone you love, but it really has very little to do with love. She may love you, and because she loves you she didn't want to be dishonest. That was her mistake. If this was a case where she was just horny and her urges got the better of her, she should have kept silent. It was just a meaningless self-indulgent sex act with someone she will never see again. How would you feel if she told you that she met a hot guy while you were away and she didn't have sex with him but she masturbated for days while fantasizing about him. You might not be thrilled about that either. If she had sex with one of your friends or your brother or your worst enemy, that would be a betrayal, but this just might have been meaningless sex with a stranger which was not too different emotionally for her than if she was fantasizing and masturbating. You have to separate the jealousy that you are feeling from the situation. It's clouding your reason. I don't know her. She might be a really bad person or maybe she is a good person. No one here can give you that answer. You need some time to get over the jealous hurt and then re-evaluate the situation.


Whether you break up or go back to her, if you ever cheat on someone you love, and it was just sex, keep that secret to your grave. No good can come from honesty in that situation, and never cheat with one of her friends, neighbors or her sister, because that would be an unforgivable betrayal.

So basically you're condoning being completely immoral? That's fucked up. It's not okay to cheat, and sex is love. That's exactly what it is. Having sex with someone you love is saying you trust them, and you trust they won't give it out behind your back. I can't believe you, this is just ridiculous. You're acting as though you could care less if someone you loved cheated on you. She broke a mutual, implied trust, and that's unforgivable. I can't even believe you'd take something like this so lightly. Do you even have feelings? Do you even know what it's like to be crushed like that? Sex is love and trust, you have sex in a relationship and you're implying that you won't have sex with anyone else, that's what having a relationship is all about, being faithful, and staying honest. How you seem to think of it as "Well she just banged some guy, and wanted to fuck something because she was horny", that's straight up bullshit. Fucking anyone while you're in a relationship besides the one you're with is fucked up

[BigPapiEnFuego]

So basically you're condoning being completely immoral? That's fucked up. It's not okay to cheat, and sex is love. That's exactly what it is. Having sex with someone you love is saying you trust them, and you trust they won't give it out behind your back. I can't believe you, this is just ridiculous. You're acting as though you could care less if someone you loved cheated on you. She broke a mutual, implied trust, and that's unforgivable. I can't even believe you'd take something like this so lightly. Do you even have feelings? Do you even know what it's like to be crushed like that? Sex is love and trust, you have sex in a relationship and you're implying that you won't have sex with anyone else, that's what having a relationship is all about, being faithful, and staying honest. How you seem to think of it as "Well she just banged some guy, and wanted to fuck something because she was horny", that's straight up bullshit. Fucking anyone while you're in a relationship besides the one you're with is fucked up

Hey, he's old, and I guess once you start to get old you really don't give a fuck anymore. Or so I've noticed from some older folks.

[Jacoby_Ellsbury]

Whether you break up or go back to her, if you ever cheat on someone you love, and it was just sex, keep that secret to your grave. No good can come from honesty in that situation, and never cheat with one of her friends, neighbors or her sister, because that would be an unforgivable betrayal.

Sort of like the one she dished him? And that's why he shouldn't do this?

[Emmz]

Hey, he's old, and I guess once you start to get old you really don't give a fuck anymore. Or so I've noticed from some older folks.

It's called being heartless, and careless of how other people feel

[Keeper]

If she got drunk and banged a dude once, then that is enough IMO. But repeating that act four more times means that she liked it and overcame her reluctance and her guilt to do it again and again and again and again. Be done with her

This.

[a700hitter]

So basically you're condoning being completely immoral? That's fucked up. It's not okay to cheat, and sex is love. That's exactly what it is. Having sex with someone you love is saying you trust them, and you trust they won't give it out behind your back. I can't believe you, this is just ridiculous. You're acting as though you could care less if someone you loved cheated on you. She broke a mutual, implied trust, and that's unforgivable. I can't even believe you'd take something like this so lightly. Do you even have feelings? Do you even know what it's like to be crushed like that? Sex is love and trust, you have sex in a relationship and you're implying that you won't have sex with anyone else, that's what having a relationship is all about, being faithful, and staying honest. How you seem to think of it as "Well she just banged some guy, and wanted to fuck something because she was horny", that's straight up bullshit. Fucking anyone while you're in a relationship besides the one you're with is fucked up

I thought the same way as you when I was younger. I would have written practically the same post as you. Sex is very intertwined with love, but it is not love. It can be a manifestation of love, but frequently it is not. Was there a betrayal by his girl? Yes, there was a physical act of betrayal, but if she had no emotional connection, she would have been just engaging in a physical act. There would have been no emotional betrayal which is far more hurtful, because love is an emotion not a physical act. I do have feelings. I would never want to find out about a cheating spouse. I have known other couples where that happened. Some stayed together and for others it ended the relationship. It left a lasting and profound hurt even in the relationships that survived. That is why I say that she messed up telling him. It is very hurtful to hear. If they love each other, a terrible mistake of cheating, would not change that. People are human and mess up. It is way easier to mess up than to forgive. If I we're the one cheating, I would never tell my partner, because I couldn't bear to hurt her. I am not advocating cheating or lying about cheating, and I clearly realize that both acts are immoral. However, I believe that one's acts of immorality are between that person and god. It doesn't make the sin any less serious if you chose also to emotionally crush the one you love by telling them. I think that is worse. She should have born her own guilt and not selfishly unburdened herself devastating him in the process. .

[Emmz]

I thought the same way as you when I was younger. I would have written practically the same post as you. Sex is very intertwined with love, but it is not love. It can be a manifestation of love, but frequently it is not. Was there a betrayal by his girl? Yes, there was a physical act of betrayal, but if she had no emotional connection, she would have been just engaging in a physical act. There would have been no emotional betrayal which is far more hurtful, because love is an emotion not a physical act. I do have feelings. I would never want to find out about a cheating spouse. I have known other couples where that happened. Some stayed together and for others it ended the relationship. It left a lasting and profound hurt even in the relationships that survived. That is why I say that she messed up telling him. It is very hurtful to hear. If they love each other, a terrible mistake of cheating, would not change that. People are human and mess up. It is way easier to mess up than to forgive. If I we're the one cheating, I would never tell my partner, because I couldn't bear to hurt her. I am not advocating cheating or lying about cheating, and I clearly realize that both acts are immoral. However, I believe that one's acts of immorality are between that person and god. It doesn't make the sin any less serious if you chose also to emotionally crush the one you love by telling them. I think that is worse. She should have born her own guilt and not selfishly unburdened herself devastating him in the process. .

She still broke his trust, even if she wasn't in love with this guy or whatever. Physical my ass, it's emotional if you fuck someone 5 times, you liked that person enough to fuck them 5 times. I'd never fuck someone I didn't have an emotional bond with. Ever.

[a700hitter]

With the topics being Sex, lying and cheating, I expect this thread to get real lively after my provocative posts. This thread should be awesome.

[a700hitter]

She still broke his trust, even if she wasn't in love with this guy or whatever. Physical my ass, it's emotional if you fuck someone 5 times, you liked that person enough to fuck them 5 times. I'd never fuck someone I didn't have an emotional bond with. Ever.

The physical and emotional are very intertwined when it comes to sex, but they are separate. If everyone was like you, there would be a lot fewer screwed up relationships, but not everyone lives by the same code as you. Also, many people mistake lust for an emotional bond. I'm just saying that right now he is not in an emotional state to make a good decision about this. I'd advise that he tell her that he needs some time and space to clear his head. If she can't understand that, then she is a piece of trash that should be kicked to the curb.

[Emmz]

The physical and emotional are very intertwined when it comes to sex, but they are separate. If everyone was like you, there would be a lot fewer screwed up relationships, but not everyone lives by the same code as you. Also, many people mistake lust for an emotional bond. I'm just saying that right now he is not in an emotional state to make a good decision about this. I'd advise that he tell her that he needs some time and space to clear his head. If she can't understand that, then she is a piece of trash that should be kicked to the curb.

Even if people don't live to a high moral standard, that doesn't justify the trust break that occurs. I do agree with you that there is a mistake for love and lust, it happens all the time. However, I think that's trumped by the fact that they were together for 5 years. How she could make such a move as to fuck some guy EVEN ONCE is unforgivable, and I think it would be in his best interest to just forget about her. Yeah it was 5 years, but she was able to forget it enough to bang some guy not once, but 5 times, and there's a chance she's done it before. Once your trust for someone has been broken, it doesn't come back, or atleast it shouldn't. Betrayal boils blood like nothing else, and it should, because breaking trust is something that never comes back, and if it does, it's never at the same level. Only idiots forgive unfaithfulness, because it's just going to happen again

[BoSox21]

The physical and emotional are very intertwined when it comes to sex, but they are separate. If everyone was like you, there would be a lot fewer screwed up relationships, but not everyone lives by the same code as you. Also, many people mistake lust for an emotional bond. I'm just saying that right now he is not in an emotional state to make a good decision about this. I'd advise that he tell her that he needs some time and space to clear his head. If she can't understand that, then she is a piece of trash that should be kicked to the curb.

How about having enough respect for your boyfriend/girlfriend and for the relationship to realize that having sex with someone else will deeply hurt the cheatee, regardless of how the cheater feels about the meaning of sex?

[Soxfan#1]

Fuck her sister. Or her best friend. It's the right thing to do.

[redsoxrules]

Revenge is the worst thing to do

[a700hitter]

Even if people don't live to a high moral standard, that doesn't justify the trust break that occurs. I do agree with you that there is a mistake for love and lust, it happens all the time. However, I think that's trumped by the fact that they were together for 5 years. How she could make such a move as to fuck some guy EVEN ONCE is unforgivable, and I think it would be in his best interest to just forget about her. Yeah it was 5 years, but she was able to forget it enough to bang some guy not once, but 5 times, and there's a chance she's done it before. Once your trust for someone has been broken, it doesn't come back, or atleast it shouldn't. Betrayal boils blood like nothing else, and it should, because breaking trust is something that never comes back, and if it does, it's never at the same level. Only idiots forgive unfaithfulness, because it's just going to happen again

She messed up big time, and she may be a piece of trash, but he is in emotionally charged state. He should take a step back. If she's trash, that will become apparent in time. The fact that he dated her for 5 years and there were no other problems makes me think that there is a possibility that she is not a horrible person.

She did it with the other guy 5 times. Was that in one day or are we talking about 5 different days? If she made the effort to see the guy on 5 different dates, that would bother me more, because that's more like an affair relationship than an isolated indiscretion.

[Emmz]

How about having enough respect for your boyfriend/girlfriend and for the relationship to realize that having sex with someone else will deeply hurt the cheatee, regardless of how the cheater feels about the meaning of sex?

Exactly, because you trust them, or atleast expect them to be faithful, which is a point I made earlier, you just put it in a better, more detailed way. I don't think the meaning of what sex "really" is has anything to do with how emotional this sort of thing is